forgodssake | ic inbox } ataraxion.

welcome to the land of the living
I did examine Laurens, although the soldier had specified I was to "help" him
what was your aim in all this, if I may ask?

1/2: I want to know what he knows.

2/2: I realize that sounded insensitive. Obviously if there's anything you can do to help him I want that, too. Whatever he was going through up there seemed pretty awful. But when I decided to find him my aim was information.

if it's insensitive than I'm guilty of it as well
enough to be surprised by the soldier's more empathetic resolutions

as for Laurens' mind;

first of all, I'll note that I half expected not to be able to access his mind at all, as had been the case for Charlotte, believing he could be "protected" in some way
but they are clearly strangers of a different sort, as Felix's mind was as accessible as anyone else's

his thoughts were dominated by a tide of his own personal anger, his frustrations with the conversations of the network (frivolous postings, the questions being asked, the answers going ignored)
some personal memory fragments that would be difficult to translate to description, but there was a memory of someone he knew he would not see again
the execution of his crew (I assume) at Ward's hand

in more recent times, there is a pattern of jump sirens and pain and his obliteration, and the approach of a shadowy entity

ill advisedly, after that, I kept going

The soldier seems to be identifying with him in some respect. To be honest I'm not really sure why, but he was like that when we found him, too, being intense about Laurens' safety when I'd expected his priority would be intel.

I wasn't sure you'd have access either, though Smiley did say that Laurens is/was different. "Stuck." In the place we found him, I guess, which I'm not sure is actually a place that exists on this ship in this time/space/dimension/whatever. There was a pile of corpses in various states of decomposition, all of them wearing an outfit identical to his. So the jump siren obliteration is what I'd expected.

(Well, I'd expected he'd be more smeared in tiny pieces, that was my understanding of how that worked, but definitely dead, generally speaking.)

He was increasingly scared something/someone was coming while we were there. I got the impression we narrowly missed meeting it, whatever it is. Can you describe it any more than that? I assume it's what Charlotte saw consume Joe Davis, but maybe we could make him draw it if necessary to confirm?

What happened?

quite
did the soldier happen to mention that he has developed a strangely supernatural empathetic connection with Laurens?

unsettling thought the first: the jumps could have still obliterated him. he could meanwhile be trying to find his own escape.

I saw something, upon delving deeper, and it saw me. I have described it as a 'gaze' because I cannot describe it, save for some physical signifiers; light reflection off a cornea, the movement of it. an intelligence.
it came with it a sensory surge that almost took me "under". I can't recall detail, it would be like picking out a single voice from the roar of a stadium, and I was more than a little incapacitated.

Laurens broke me loose from it by punching me
he had said prior to my searching attempts that "you'll break [Cassandra and I]", directed at the soldier, said again after I emerged
experienced some unpleasant symptoms shortly after, but they were short lived

they aren't the reason I am choosing not to read his mind again, but the rest of the above certainly is

Edited 2015-04-17 05:56 (UTC)

[ after a delay of significantly more minutes than previous responses ]

Have you delved that deeply into the mind of anyone else on board?

And when you say stadium, is that purely analogy or did you get the impression of some sort of hivemind?

Edited (I KNOW THE DIFFERENCE I SWEAR) 2015-04-17 06:04 (UTC)

hard to say
I have pursued deeply a couple of times but did not feel as I did this time that there were deeper crevices to plunder
but I also was not looking for them

and no, not purely a metaphor. it began when I tapped into that sort of deeper plane, a rush of voices and many memories, none of which I could make out because as soon as I was there, all I could do was resist being dragged deeper.

Edited 2015-04-17 06:10 (UTC)

The people you've dug most deeply into: were any of them members of Shepard's second recon mission?

Did you have any sense of whether this presence was within Laurens, or connected to Laurens, or controlling Laurens?

I helped Emma Swan with a memory problem once (unrelated) but only tentatively. otherwise not really, the recon team returned when I wasn't at my best.

all of those things. and I believe it exerts control, over the things he can do and say, but I don't have proof of that beyond speculation and Laurens' own description of being "leashed"

I believe that like Ward and Resnik he is being prevented from discussing certain things with us. I think that's what he means by being leashed.

Is all of this related to his "empathetic connection" to the soldier at all?

Emma's memory problem was not related to recon, you mean?

Edited 2015-04-17 06:31 (UTC)

is it?
you went on that recon venture, didn't you?

and yes, that was another and more recent incident related to her magic

Resnik basically said as much during her last appearance. It might be a convenient excuse for their refusal to ever give a straight answer to a question, but it would also explain why they bother talking around things to us at all. The way she handled it is similar to how Laurens has.

I did.

Edited 2015-04-17 06:36 (UTC)

they lead us with questions and evasive implication and seem relieved whenever we come close to an answer they might see as the correct one
loathe as I am to treat any of these people as sympathetic characters in this shit show

That's my impression also, once I got past the desire to shoot both of them repeatedly and started actually paying attention.

It's not as if the ship playing with minds would be anything new or farfetched.

I think it/the ship can exert that control over anyone, whenever it chooses
probably in connection to exposure to its phenomena, and to varying degrees
Arima being such an incident (mind and motive control)
the murals being another (people taking injury upon their likenesses being influenced)
not to mention the foreign emotions we feel when we exit the stasis pods
so there is a precedent

but we aren't all Laurens or Wardnik levels of controlled, clearly

Agreed, it's part of why I didn't bother saying we should have this conversation off-network. If it wants in our heads it's been made pretty clear it can get there.

Or just not about the same things, in such obvious and incredibly frustrating to everyone around them ways.

at least they're attractive

you asked after the recon team. I have friends on the recon team. are we concerned about the recon team?
exposure, like Felix and the soldier?

If only cheekbones were answers.

I'm not sure what you mean by exposure.

I've been thinking of it (influence, what's rooted in Felix, his connection to the soldier) in terms of contamination until better analogies present themselves
but strike that if it doesn't jive with your understanding and why you asked

I guess where I'm confused at the moment is about the soldier's connection to Felix. If you can explain to me your understanding of how that came about/works I think that would help.

cursory observation would connect together his entering into that non-space you described
if you're not feeling the same effect, then perhaps also the time they have spent together
thus, exposure
I'm not sure otherwise

I don't feel any connection to Laurens that I'm aware of. Whatever is going on with them is probably either all the time they've apparently spent together or something unique to the soldier. Or both?

What does this connection between them do? How does it manifest?

going off what he told me:
- shared physical pain, on occasion
- waking up and confusion between identities
- nosebleeds/ear bleeds

and that last one I mention because I experienced the same after observing Laurens' mind
he is also far too dismissive of the significance of all this for my liking

the soldier does have a peculiar sort of brain, which could well be a factor

What the fuck.

Yeah, definitely none of that is happening to me.

Have you looked into the soldier's mind since this started?

no
but I can broach the subject

the flattest of circles

stomps on it

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my icons are taking too long to load sorry

wow fine

Re: wow fine

Re: Re: wow fine

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