forgodssake | ic inbox } ataraxion.

that would be the best example. I remember when we initially all went after the recon team, we saw ghost like entities come from the shadows -- people running in a panic, ignoring us entirely, like we weren't there, much like the Cyllene description. there was nothing I could read from them.

the monsters, I could detect a haze of psychotic anger, and I believe this is because they were manticores, or based off of manticores. manticores have an unsettling human-like level of cognizance, but still nonsensical, dominated by rage, likely due to their hybrid nature. I'm not sure, though - I never did make detailed note of what I found, because the next jump had me skip ten years in time, so I'm going off recollection.

but I do remember the figures that lured people to the white doors were different. their psychic presence was calm and warm and inviting, and this didn't change even when they turned aggressive. no coherent thought, unfortunately, just empathic readings.

the corridors event gave me an impression of at least two different sides. one that wanted to stop us from going deeper (aggressive tactics, monsters, reminds me a little of the reverse psychology that smiley utilises) and then the lure (positive reinforcement, manipulation, assimilation?). I don't know where Gallagher fits in. Van Rijn is his own variable.

Interesting. I guess my first thought would be that the ghosts were the crew/passengers, only here enough to be seen but no more. The manticores actually exist but either are controlled or only periodically exist when needed, which is why we don't see them often. I'm not sure what to make of the figures. Unless they were designed to give off that sort of presence specifically in hopes of luring in telepaths as well? I would have guessed that it was sort of reflecting our perceptions of them, since they were specifically plucked out of our minds to be inviting, but if it didn't change when they got aggressive/we became aware I don't know that that makes any sense.

I'm not sure what Smiley's goal is, but I don't know that everything is reverse psychology? He definitely encouraged and seemed to approve of finding Laurens. Which may say more about how wary we should be of Laurens than about Smiley, I suppose.

My personal theory has been that Gallagher is Smiley, whatever Smiley is. Maybe he just is the hivemind. He certainly seems to know personal things about people that he shouldn't be able to know without having access to the inside of our heads.

I agree with your guesswork and being confused as to the implications of the psychic read I got from the luring figures. I got that sense even from figures that were not targetting me for luring. I imagine them as psychic puppets, extensions of a greater motivation.

that would make a convenient amount of sense, wouldn't it? so five sides into three would combine G and smiley, which leaves an excess fourth. Van Rijn can keep his. we're supposed to be one, correct?

re Davis, just reviewed William's collective notes on him, it describes a 'shadow'. I sensed in Felix's memories experience with a shadow figure as well. not sure what the fuck that portends, but thought I'd make note of it. I'll let William know I have some findings to add and write it up when I am certain it won't be completely confusing.

We're one side, according to Laurens. When we found him I tried to find a way around into asking if we were alone on our side or not but didn't get much. I guess yes is the most obvious answer anyway. Whatever the other four are playing for it isn't our best interests.

I don't recall the exact wording but the way what Charlotte said about Joe Davis was described to me what's stuck in my mind was that the shadow devoured him. I'm basically picturing the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come from the Muppet Christmas Carol with a black hole swirling in its center sucking him in. At this point I don't know whether there were things said that made me think that or if I've just made that up entirely. However it looked my guess is he has been assimilated.

There's also whatever is living in the core of the ship. Shepard called it an 'it', anyway. There's it and then there's a someone that pulled all of us from the core. Though when I asked Smiley how we get to the white room he said we're already there. But according to the soldier Charlotte said Davis told her we were supposed to be in it already, which implies that we are not.

Smiley
Gallagher
Shadow
It at core
Someone who pulled us from core
Van Rijn
Ward & Resnik
Us

Some combination of that = 5. At this point I'm not entirely convinced Ward & Resnik are even at the table, but I don't know who else it would be. It could be that we began with four but they're getting whittled down. It would be nice if we could come up with a way to push Laurens or Charlotte on any of these points but I've run out of ways to approach it.

I wonder if it's a coincidence that we have a shadow and a white room. Not to say that the white room = Good necessarily but just that I wonder if the cliche dichotomy means they're the two main forces in opposition here. But it sounded from the soldier's conversation with Charlotte like the shadow was meant to get us to the white room, so maybe not.

Edited (oh my god last one i swear i just left a sentence totally dangling) 2015-04-19 17:28 (UTC)

We're both going to regret it but I think you're going to have to look inside my head.

for what it is worth, I do not think the white room is good, but I also don't know if remaining static is any good either, so perhaps it's just different kinds of terrible. but I am suspicious of the fact that whatever force urged us to the white room used manipulative positive tactics to trick us. there's something a little more honest about scaring us away with monsters.

I suppose it's that time of year to go over all the smiley posts and read it with different lenses. reverse psychology, opposite day, and so on.

but one thing at a time, then.
your head. the soldier's head, if he's up for it. I have to tread delicately there.
someone else from your recon team. and then someone uninvolved, I think, as scientific control.
might as well not do things half arsed.

I think we need to find it. For better or worse, it seems like an answer. It's a good point about the manipulative tactics, but I'm not sure the monsters weren't part of it. Breaking people down to be more susceptible to the allure of the white room when it came.

Thorough is best, I agree. We need to rule out whatever variables we can.

I'd like to know more about how it works before we do it. Do you just go straight in now looking for what you saw before? Do you or I have any control over what else you see?

I will attempt to go straight in looking for what I saw before, but I will need to see what I'm doing, if that makes sense. it would be best if you channeled your thoughts towards such things like your recon experiences, for instance, but I can't guarantee that more personal thoughts won't flare up, perhaps even painful ones. attempts for you to shield me from such things would probably do the exact opposite of what you intend unless you have specific anti-telepathy training of some kind.

focusing on the present and on associated memories would be your best bet.
do you like dogs?

Yeah, I assumed it was a 'don't think about a pink elephant' sort of situation.

The memories of mine the ship chose to play with during that recon mission aren't exactly pleasant ones. I doubt they rate on the scale of weird and ugly you've dealt with in the past but if it is better to be told in advance, I can do that. Obviously I would prefer not to but successfully determining if this thing is in my head is top priority.

I love dogs.

we can hold some dogs.

I don't think I'll need that level of detail beforehand. best I go in without knowing, I think, I can handle surprises as they come.

Okay.

I am always interested in holding some dogs. You have Izzie, right?

I have one of her puppies, who is not so much anymore: Lincoln
but I was considering borrowing her for the exercise, she's a gentle presence

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